Abbey, in the puddle.

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   The latest from Mind Terrain Coaching: 
Making a major life transformation on your own is ridiculously hard. If you’re ready to work, though, and ready for help, let’s do this together. Join me for a very personal, deep 3-month executive coaching collaboration project, “The Journey” VIP Program (see more at the end of the article).

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RECENT ARTICLE: Odd Yet Effective Way to Boost Productivity
Previous article: Love in the Time of Neuroscience

Popular article: “Expectations: to Have or Not to Have.” 
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How to Stop Feeling Like a Failure: 3 Practical Strategies

     With enough education, experience and wisdom we’ve accumulated over the years, most of us know on the intellectual level that failure is inevitable and even necessary when we attempt to learn new things or create something of value.

We understand that it is ok to fail on a path to mastery. A rational person who contemplates failure can certainly convince himself that most of his perceived or actual failures are not as horrible as he can imagine.  And yet, when we fail, failure often feels penetratingly awful. The important question is: is there anything that we can do to change that “feeling of failure”, especially in light of our rational thinking about failure as a normal part of progress?

Let’s first dissect our experience of failure. There is a thought, “I failed”, and then there’s a cognitive feeling (the way we experience our thoughts) of “I’m a failure” – what it feels like for us to think of ourselves as failures. Changing our thoughts is not necessarily the key to changing our feelings. For example, if you start telling yourself “I’m a winner”, it doesn’t necessarily translate into your feeling like a winner: “If I’m a winner, why do I feel like a failure?”

     Changing your feeling by changing your thoughts is just as difficult as changing someone’s belief by adding more facts to support your argument.

It is presumptuous to expect that your feelings will change as you change your thoughts, provided that regulating your thoughts is even possible. It is an assumption rather than a fact that our brain-generated mind can examine itself and self-correct according to its new desired specifications. As Robert Burton put it in A Skeptic’s Guide to the Mind, “It is the human condition to experience a largely involuntarily generated mind that feels quite strongly that it can rationally explain itself.”

What I believe we can do to change our [cognitive] feelings is to switch our attention to what we know from previous experience makes us feel better. When you feel better, thoughts like “Who cares how I feel if I’m still a total failure!” are not at the forefront of your mind. Instead, in a state of psychophysiological coherence, your analytical thinking, creativity, and overall feeling of well-being improve.

One way to achieve psychophysiological coherence are to put yourself in a state of appreciation. For example, think about spending time with people you love, or make a list everything that you’re grateful for in your life. Here are 3 more practical strategies to shift your attention and stop feeling like a failure:

1. Document your history of success

Start a running list of your accomplishments. You don’t have to show this list to anyone, and the list can contain things big and small, personal or work-related, as well as things that may seem unimportant in the eyes of others. List all the times when you’ve succeeded, when you’ve done things right, according to your own standards. When you feel like a failure, look at this documented history of success and try to add something to it. This switches your focus from thoughts of your failure to thoughts of your successes, hence switching the cognitive feeling.

The success facts on your list won’t necessarily change what you believe about yourself. Still, the list will provide a mechanism for acknowledging the gap between your positive history and negative belief. Seeing this disparity will allow you to move from “I know I’m a failure” to “I believe I’m a failure, although it doesn’t seem to be the fact.” The next step may be to realize that you can choose a different belief. As my mentor and teacher Martha Beck puts it, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

2. Follow the “YES”

Whenever you feel unsuccessful, lonely, or stuck, find and follow the “YES”s in your life that make you feel good, even very small “yes”s, as long as they make you feel more like yourself. Think: who always says “yes” to you? Who wants to work with you? Who gives you invitations? Who is always happy to have you? Who always comes when you call? Who opens doors of opportunities for you? If those “yes”s make you feel seen and recognized, follow them.

Recently, I felt like several doors slammed in my face: “No, you can’t come.” “No, we don’t want to work on that.” “No, we can’t make it.” “No, this is not the right time.” I spent a lot of time ruminating over these “no”s. Yet, I completely neglected all the “yes”s that I’ve also been getting: “Yes, we really want you to join us!” “Yes, we’ll be thrilled to be there!” “Yes, we want to work with you, right away!” “Yes, please submit your proposal.” “Yes, you can choose your own topic for the presentation that we want you to do.” YES! Instead of trying to prove myself to the “no”s, I’ve started following the “yes”s. Thank you for every one of the “YES”s you’ve given me.

3. Do something good for someone else.

Give something of yourself. It can be something small like bringing your neighbor’s garbage pail back after the garbage truck passes, or it can be something big like giving your time, energy and expertise to someone you can mentor, or to a team that can learn something new from you.

It’s rare that generally self-sufficient people would reach out and say: “Hey, I’m lonely, I could really use your company”, or “I really need someone to hear me out. Do you have time?”, or “I’m completely stuck and have no idea what to do. Can you help me?” Reaching out is hard. So, don’t wait: offer a bit of yourself.

It’s nearly impossible to feel like a failure when you give your attention, time, energy, and expertise. (Try this strategy when you feel like a failure, or lonely, or stuck, and let me know how it goes – just send me a 0ne-liner, sharing what you gave of yourself, and whether it helped.  Alina@MindTerrainCoaching.com  Thanks!)
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     Making a major life transformation on your own is ridiculously hard. If you’re ready to work, though, and ready for help, let’s do this together. Join me for a very personal, deep 3-month executive coaching collaboration project, The Journey VIP program.

Doodle: attention, creativity, perspective

         “The Journey” VIP program. 

This program offers a powerful transformation in the area of your life where you need it most. (You may be surprised how interconnected all areas of your life are, and how much, for example, your work satisfaction is connected with your weight management, and with the quality of your most important relationship).

  • We’ll be working as partners for 3 months (April – June)
  • You will be on my attention radar for any relevant opportunities and learning experiences for you.
  • You will be at the top of my attention list, as we work on accomplishing your personal and professional goals.
  • This is what I can guarantee you as we work together.
  • 6 one-on-one in-depth transformational coaching sessions (about 2 per month).
  • detailed follow-up report after each session
  • Full email support from me personally between sessions
  • Two 30-min intuitive readings (ff you are open and interested) at the beginning and at the end of our collaboration
  • A pdf copy of my book chapter, “Practical Guide for Making Choices without Regrets”
  • Additional surprise resources from my colleagues around the world
  • Financial Investment: $1199 (of course, investment of your time and attention is also essential)
  • We will start our collaboration in April and continue through June.

     We’ll work via phone or Skype, at a time that is convenient for you.  For obvious reasons, the number of participants will be very limited.
     Please e-mail me at Alina@MindTerrainCoaching.com with The Journey VIP in the subject line, so that we could start a conversation about the best way to make The Journey VIP package work for you.  No new inquiries for this round of the program will be accepted after March 31st, 2015. Please, let me know if you’d like to be added to the waiting list for the next round. 

With love and gratitude,  
Alina.

Alina Bas, M.A., Executive Coach & Life Strategist
I coach leaders through making difficult decisions in a way that is aligned with their core values.
Tel.: (917) 208-8094
MindTerrainCoaching.com
IntuitionLeap.com
Connect via Facebook or Twitter
Read my book Skeptic’s Guide to Intuition (available on Amazon)

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RECENT ARTICLE: Odd Yet Effective Way to Boost Productivity
Previous articles: Love in the Time of Neuroscience

                        When To Choose the Easy Path
                        The Best Story You’ll Ever Tell
Popular article: “Expectations: to Have or Not to Have.” 

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pies    Do you by chance see days of the week in color? What about seeing numbers or letters in color? How about getting a distinct smell associated with a specific note? This cross-wiring of perceptions is a harmless neurological condition known as synesthesia (by the way, synesthesia has a genetic component, so if you have it, there’s a good chance that one of your parents, children, or siblings has it as well – just ask them).

Some synesthesists can “taste” colors and “hear” shapes. This is what happens to me: I head for the kitchen and cook up a storm when subconsciously I start getting ideas for working with my clients.

If these ideas are subconscious, you may ask, how do I know that a connection between cooking and my business is real? Good question. The answer is in the evidence. Whenever I have a spontaneous urge to cook a multi-course gourmet meal, especially when we don’t need more food, by the time the cooking is finished, a new proposal is formed in my head in its entirety, and new detailed offers are ready to be shared with clients. This could be a strange form of synesthesia, or an example of the Slingshot Effect (i.e. constructive procrastination). Whatever it is, though, it taught me to make time for cooking.

I cook and listen, letting ideas bubble up to the surface without consciously processing them. When the meal is ready, I’m ready to write and think. poppyseeds

     Allow yourself to notice unusual patterns in your life: what seemingly unconnected areas of your life make you feel more productive? Of course, you will need evidence to prove the connection, so start by noticing and documenting:

“After I play basketball, it feels easy for me to create a spreadsheet that would have taken hours at another time.”
“After I sing, I have a better sense for managing my child’s behavior.”
“After I sleep, my piano playing improves, as if I were rehearsing while sleeping.”

Notice the particularities of your patterns. There are certainly many studies that can back up the idea that these seemingly random connections actually make sense: physical activity can improve memory, sleep is conducive to essential information processing that doesn’t happen when you’re awake, etc. The trick is to understand what unique helpful patterns are at play for YOU in particular.

I don’t know if there are studies asserting that cooking helps create awesome offerings for coaching clients. Yet, for me, it’s true.

     What odd patterns help you be more productive? What are your unique, seemingly odd process for allowing the work that has meaning to you to bubble up to the surface ofCookies your consciousness? (I’d actually love to hear, so drop me a line! Alina@MindTerrainCoaching.com ) Whatever those odd things are, give them your time.

For the past week, I’ve been compelled to cook non-stop: I’ve improvised without recipes, used new gourmet recipes, and baked the tried and true classics. The way you do one thing is the way you do all things, so you’ll see a similar diverse spread in my offerings to you as my family has seen in the kitchen.

I have a lot to offer you between now and July (in July and August, my time goes to my MVPs – family, friends, and a small number of VIP long-term clients who are committed to ongoing personal development). In September, my rates will be going up, as offerings expand and increase in value. If you are ready, let’s set something up for you and me before all the changes take place.

     What do I have in the store for you between now and July, you ask?

     INTUITION & DECISION-MAKING RETREAT in May 1-3, 2015, at Garrison Institute. There’s a bad news (for procrastinators) and a good 20141026_155631news (for the budget-conscious). The bad news is that registration for the retreat will close earlier than we planned, on March 30. The good news is that we’ve decided to keep the registration rate super low, no late fees or anything. If money was your reason not to join us, perhaps, this shift will make things a little easier for you.  $695 for a triple/quad room selection, $745 for a double room, $775 for a single rooms. All rates include all the materials for this magical and restorative workshop for analytical people (be prepared to attempt remote viewing and discuss neuroscience, in equal parts), accommodations, fresh gourmet vegetarian meals, and use of Garrison Institute grounds, including a labyrinth, secret garden, walking paths, and meditation room. Please, join me! Email questions to Alina@MindTerrainCoaching.com

     “BE YOUR OWN HERO”My teacher and mentor, one of the most creative, authentic, and insightful people I know, Martha Beck, Ph.D., the author of “Expecting Adam“, is offering oh-no-global-warming-368x530free online seminar, “Be Your Own Hero”. She will talk about turning fear into creative, constructive energy that moves you forward instead of paralyzing you. I think it’s a relevant topic to entrepreneurs, especially female entrepreneurs, so I wanted to share. For full disclosure, this is an affiliate link. This seminar is free; if you sign up for a program that Martha is doing with Deepak Chopra, I’ll get something from it. You know that I hardly ever share affiliate links (well, never, except for book links). I truly believe in Martha’s work, and I think it will be the time well spent for anyone who participates. The program is TONIGHT, Wed. 3/4, at 5:00 pm Pacific / 8:00pm Eastern http://www.tkqlhce.com/click-7769533-12125854

     APPLIED INTUITION FOR ANALYTICAL THINKERS. Tue. March 17th, 12-1 p.m. EST. Private teleclass for MBI coaches. Log-in required.

     UNDERSTANDING & EFFECTIVELY USING OF INTUITION.

Series of 3 teleclassess, 1.5 hours each. Tue. 3/24, Wed. 3/25, and Thu. 3/26, 12-1:30 p.m. EST. $89 for the series of 3 teleclasses. TreeByBark

Are you curious about the nature of intuition? Would you like to understand how to use your intuition without giving up logic and reason? In this workshop, I will:

  • Share with you what I’ve learned about intuition both from practicing intuitives and academic researchers in the fields of neuroscience, psychology and business
  • Describe some of the tools that I use in my intuition practice, teach you to use some of these tools
  • Discuss questions like: Is intuition a gift or a skill? Can someone really heal or curse you? Is there a way to protect yourself from so-called “bad energy”? Can intuition ever be wrong? Is there any scientific evidence for intuition beyond the brain function?
  • In Session 1, we’ll talk about the nature of intuition, setting intentions, and using awareness tools
  • In Session 2, we’ll dive into getting and interpreting information from people, objects, and situations. (Sneak peak: the “getting” part is easy, but the “interpreting” part is what gets most readers in trouble)
  • In Session 3, we’ll review some of the current academic studies on intuition, and understand practical applications of these studies in our daily lives
  • Time-permitting, I’ll do demos of intuitive readings for the call participants. If you’re curious why this program is so ridiculously affordable, I’ll tell you upfront: I hope you will learn enough to want to learn more, and join me for the Intuition & Decision-Making Retreat. I promise to spend zero time up-selling, so no worries.
  • REGISTRATION is open through Fri., March 20th. Registration link will be available here by Friday, 3/6. In the meantime, you can email me at Alina@MindTerrainCoachin.com to save your spot.

Buy The Journey Coaching Package

PLEASE NOTE: By scheduling and paying for any service offered through IntuitionLeap.com or MindTerrainCoaching.com, you are attesting that you’ve read this legal disclaimer & terms of service.

 

     CAREER MAPPING: Strategies for Creating, Finding and Doing Meaningful WorkSeries of 3 teleclassess, 1.5 hours each.

Mon. 3/23, Tue., 3/24, and Wed. 3/25, 9-10:30 p.m.EST. $89 total.DontKnowByToniBlay

In this tele-workshop, we will:

  • Discuss traditional vs. modern career mapping
  • Create an inspiring vision
  • Figure out what holds you back and how to go around those blocks
  • Get a glimpse of the future without using any supernatural powers
  • Create habits for success.
  • Focus on practical, fresh strategies, exercises, and on-the-spot coaching, time-permitting.

Why, you may ask, is this amazing program so affordable? Because I hope it will inspire you to join me in “The Journey” VIP program, which just got an upgrade and a makeover. (Zero time will be spent up-selling, though). REGISTRATION is open through Fri., March 20th.

Buy The Journey Coaching Package

PLEASE NOTE: By scheduling and paying for any service offered through IntuitionLeap.com or MindTerrainCoaching.com, you are attesting that you’ve read this legal disclaimer & terms of service.

 

     “THE JOURNEY” VIP PACKAGE. This program offers a powerful transformation in the area of your life where you need it most. (You may be surprised how interconnected all areas of your life are, and how much, for example, your work satisfaction is connected with your weight management, and with the quality of your most important relationship).Making the basket

  • We’ll be working as partners for 3 months (April – June)
  • You will be on my attention radar for any relevant opportunities and learning experiences for you.
  • You will be at the top of my attention list, as we work on accomplishing your personal and professional goals.
  • This is what I can guarantee you as we work together.
  • 6 one-on-one in-depth transformational coaching sessions (about 2 per month).
  • detailed follow-up report after each session
  • Full email support from me personally between sessions
  • Two 30-min intuitive readings (ff you are open and interested) at the beginning and at the end of our collaboration
  • A pdf copy of my book chapter, “Practical Guide for Making Choices without Regrets”
  • Additional surprise resources from my colleagues around the world.
  • Financial Investment: $1199 (of course, investment of your time and attention is also essential)
  • We will start our collaboration in April and continue through June.

We’ll work via phone or Skype, at a time that is convenient for you.  For obvious reasons, the number of participants will be very limited.

Please e-mail me at Alina@MindTerrainCoaching.com with The Journey VIP in the subject line, so that we could start a conversation about the best way to make The Journey VIP package work for you.  No new inquiries for this round of the program will be accepted after March 30th, 2015.

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Love in the Time of Neuroscience

February 13, 2015 Am I Good Enough?

    One of our sons asked me recently how we can know for sure whether our love for someone is real. I thought about it for a while. I heard a great quote about love in a movie the name of which I don’t recall: “Love is not what you feel inside. Love is the […]

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Best Strategy for Improving Your Personal “State of the Union”

January 22, 2015 Decision-making

Listening to President Obama’s State of the Union Address made me think of this: what are our rituals for evaluating our successes on regular basis, and setting inspiring agendas for the year? Think of yourself as the commander-in-chief of your life. Instead of the dreaded New Year resolution, write your own annual State of the Union Address, to reflect […]

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My Best Resources from 2014

December 31, 2014 Happiness

I’d like to share with you some of my favorite resources from 2014, as well as my work that you said made a difference for you. Let’s keep sharing our best resources! Thank you, and have a peaceful, insightful, and healthy 2015! (Image: my best 2014 accomplishment in the kitchen is this Napoleon, made from scratch). My […]

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Best Thing You Can Wish For

December 23, 2014 Decision-making

           Between all the memories, obligations, presents, family gatherings, hopes, expectations, responsibilities and promises, this time of the year can feel hectic and stressful. Still, this time of the year that calls for dreaming and wishing good things to each other. As I sat down to write this holiday newsletter, I wondered what would be the […]

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What You’ve Never Done Before

November 26, 2014 Decision-making

     I’m about to do something I’ve never done before.     I’m inviting you to join me on an unusual, restorative, and magical journey, where you’ll learn something “off the beaten path”, yet essential. Would you please join me?     I’m leading a 3-day retreat for curious and analytical thinkers who want to develop their […]

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When to Choose the Easy Path

October 31, 2014 Career Change

Let’s do a 30-second experiment. Ready? Grab a piece of paper and a pen, divide the paper into two columns, and label them “Easy Path” and “Hard Path”. Now, put each of the following adjectives in the column where it fits best (don’t overthink it, just follow your initial gut response):  Boring – Joyful + […]

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Are You Missing Out? Here’s How to Tell

September 13, 2014 Decision-making

(Please don’t miss the “Be the First to Know” update at the end of the article!) I ran into my ex-ex-ex-boyfriend and his beautiful wife in Manhattan. We chit-chatted a bit, and once my ex-ex-ex stepped away, his wife asked: “I was wondering: how did you ever let this guy go? Look at him! Tall, […]

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The Best Story You’ll Ever Tell

July 9, 2014 Am I Good Enough?

“Tell me a story!” I asked. It was my favorite line when I was a child. (What was your favorite line as a child?) “What do you want the story to be about? Give me a topic,” my grandma used to reply. “About anything”, which usually meant: “Tell me a story about your life. Tell me about your life […]

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